Image by Sarah Parrott via Flickr

I’m really rather fond of buying gifts.  There’s something about understanding somone so well that you can hit the right button with a well timed gift.  The smile on their face upon receipt is one of the simple pleasures in life.  However, the process can be frought with peril.  The best gifts are undoubtably those that don’t require prompting or coercion, that come from your instinctive understanding of what the other person likes and needs.  Therefore to get the gift wrong can often be taken as a sign that you simply don’t understand them.

Recent research has shed some insight into the business of gift buying and how it can impact upon a relationship.  I’ve read a few articles in the past that suggest that a good gift affords little benefit as it merely reinforces what’s already there, but a bad gift can do significant damage.  I came across a new study today however by Elizabeth Dunn from the University of British Columbia that suggests men and women react to a rubbish gift in very different ways.

She set up an experiment whereby two strangers of opposite sex were told to chat to one another for five minutes, after which they would select a gift for the other person, with each then voting on perceived similarities between them and their new friend.

Before the session each participant had been asked to rank the gifts in order of preference.  This is where they got a little sneeky though because instead of giving the chosen gift, they split the gifts in two, with half getting their first choice gift and half getting the booby prize.

This is where it gets interesting.  When the men got the gift of their dreams it led to an upturn in their favourability towards their new friend.  Women on the other hand were largely indifferent, relying instead on the conversation they had over the preceeding minutes.

So in new relationships it seems that the way to a mans heart is with a gift, whereas for women it’s a communication thing.

How about established relationships?

The same experiment was done again but this time the participants were those in an established hetrosexual relationship.  The twist for this experiment was that in addition to be asked for similarity ratings each person was also asked how long they expected the relationship to last.  Ouch.  Right to the point there.

The men were kinda true to form.  Rubbish gifts produced poor scores on both similarity and prospects.  Women however, complex creatures that you are, bucked the trend.  They actually scored their partner higher for similarity and prospects when they received a poor gift!! I think I’ve heard a collective cheer erupting from petrol station forecourt owners across the land.

What gives though?  How can such an unintuitive answer emerge?  Apparently it’s all about womens in built desire to protect what they have.  Some nesting instinct no doubt.  Anyway, that causes them to react more strongly in the second experiment because they have a relationship to protect.

Hurrah, crap gifts ahoy

Stand easy soldier.  Before you start thinking this is a prime excuse for lazyness in the gift department do bare in mind that this experiment did only measure short-term responses.  In the long-term a perpetual display of oafishness is just as likely to send you to the dog house.