People can often come out in hives at the prospect of giving someone negative feedback.  The fear is that there will be such a viscerally negative response that their relationship with that person will be permanently damaged.

A recent study from the University of Chicago Booth School of Business suggests our fears may be overblown.  The research explored the apparent contradiction that sees us morally value honesty, whilst simultaneously telling white lies regularly in order to keep the peace.

The research finds that we often significantly overestimate the harm being honest will do to our relationship with the person we’re delivering our feedback to.

“We’re often reluctant to have completely honest conversations with others,” the researchers say. “We think offering critical feedback or opening up about our secrets will be uncomfortable for both us and the people with whom we are talking.”

Misguided fear

The study suggests that those fears are usually misguided.  Indeed, they found that honest conversations were typically far more enjoyable for both parties than either expected them to be.

The researchers monitored conversations whereby honesty was defined as ‘speaking in accordance with our beliefs, thoughts and feelings.’  Participants were asked to predict the consequences of such conversations, and the actual consequences were then recorded.

For instance, in one experiment, volunteers were asked to be completely honest with everyone they encountered over a three day period, whilst in another volunteers were tasked with being honest with their partner whilst they were asked potentially awkward questions.

Across all of the experiments, the volunteers expected the honesty to be much less pleasant and more damaging to the relationship than it actually was.

“Taken together, these findings suggest that individuals’ avoidance of honesty may be a mistake,” the authors say. “By avoiding honesty, individuals miss out on opportunities that they appreciate in the long-run, and that they would want to repeat.”

Suffice to say, the experiments were done in a largely laboratory-based environment and so it’s not clear whether the same findings would emerge if we were similarly honest in the workplace.  It does raise some food for thought however.