I’ve written previously about the misconceptions many of us have about giving others feedback, as we tend to think it will be much worse than it is, and the recipient is usually far more grateful than we imagine they will be.

Research from the University of Texas at Austin suggests we have similar misconceptions about kind gestures. The study finds that we tend to focus on the objects we’re giving or the acts we’re providing, but the receivers instead focus on the warmth behind the act.

Miscalibrated expectations

The researchers believe that these “miscalibrated expectations” can prevent us from being kind to others. The findings emerged after an experiment requiring volunteers to choose whether to give a cup of hot chocolate to a stranger in a park, or whether to keep it to themselves. During the experiment, nearly 90% chose to donate their drink.

When the researchers then delivered the hot chocolate to the recipient, they recorded the mood of the stranger, with the participants also reporting how they thought the recipient would feel. The participants consistently underestimated how significant their act was.

“People aren’t way off base,” the researchers explain. “They get that being kind to people makes them feel good. What we don’t get is how good it really makes others feel.”

These findings were replicated in a second experiment involving cupcakes, and again people underestimated the happiness people would gain from receiving the gesture of goodwill.

“Performers are not fully taking into account that their warm acts provide value from the act itself,” the authors say. “The fact that you’re being nice to others adds a lot of value beyond whatever the thing is.”

Contagious generosity

Interestingly, in a lab experiment designed to gauge the consequences of these small acts of kindness, they found that generosity can be passed on down the chain.

Participants were given a gift either from the lab store or from another person, before being asked to play a game. They were told to then split $100 between themselves and an unknown stranger. The results show that those who received the gift from another person were much more generous to the stranger in the game.

“It turns out generosity can actually be contagious,” the researchers conclude. “Receivers of a prosocial act can pay it forward. Kindness can actually spread.”