Venting your frustrations to a friend might not always relieve stress, but it can help you bond with the person listening, according to research from UCLA. Their experiments suggest that venting, in some cases, creates a sense of closeness between the speaker and listener, while distancing the listener from the person being talked about. This dynamic can give the person venting a social edge.

However, this benefit disappears when the venting turns into outright criticism. The researchers believe that the real advantage of venting is in strengthening relationships, which can lead to future support, improved happiness, and even better health for those who are well-liked by their friends.

Cathartic rant

Since the 1950s, the Freudian idea of catharsis has been debunked—venting doesn’t reliably ease anger, and can sometimes even increase it. But the UCLA researchers tested a new idea: venting can help build alliances, leading friends to side with the venting person over the one being complained about.

Most studies on close relationships have focused on romantic couples, but friendships play an important role too, especially among younger people. In a time when loneliness is on the rise, understanding how friendships work is more important than ever. The researchers argue that just as we compete for attention and affection in romantic relationships, we also compete for favor in our friendships.

In the study, participants listened to a friend vent or criticize another mutual friend. When the venting was mild—such as frustration over a friend canceling plans—participants tended to like the person venting more than the person being talked about. But when the venting became harsher, or when the person simply gossiped or complained about unrelated topics, this effect disappeared.

In another experiment, participants who listened to a friend vent were asked to divide a pot of lottery tickets between the speaker and the friend being criticized. They gave more tickets to the person venting—unless they perceived the venting as part of a rivalry, in which case the effect backfired.

Friendly vent

The research shows that venting works best when it isn’t seen as hostile. It can be a subtle way to win a friend’s support, without appearing competitive. This social advantage can translate into practical benefits—like getting more attention or help from friends—or more abstract ones, such as better health and well-being.

None of this competition needs to be conscious, and some experts suggest we may be more effective at navigating friendships if we don’t realize we’re competing at all. But the researchers caution that venting can also fail, particularly if it comes off as too aggressive, focuses on the wrong issues, or is directed at the wrong person.

As people become more isolated, understanding these social dynamics becomes even more crucial. Friendships might not always be as pure or simple as we imagine—they can be just as strategic as romantic relationships, and sometimes just as cutthroat. One researcher put it bluntly: “Friendship isn’t always rainbows and unicorns. Sometimes it’s more like a koala—cute, but surprisingly vicious.”