Though painful, social rejection can teach us valuable lessons about relationships, according to a new study from USC. The research explores the brain mechanisms that shape how we form social connections, helping explain why we bond with some people, how we gauge others’ opinions of us, and what makes interactions feel rewarding or not—key questions for understanding mental health and social behavior.
“While much of the focus has been on the emotional pain of rejection—how it causes distress and motivates people to reconnect—we know less about its role in helping us learn,” the researchers say. “How do these experiences sharpen our understanding of our social standing, how others perceive us, and who we should invest time in?”
How bonds form
The study used behavioral experiments, MRI scans, and computational models to uncover how social bonds form. It identified two key brain functions involved: learning from positive experiences (rewards) and tracking relational value—how much others value us.
“Social rewards like smiles or compliments signal acceptance, making us want to engage more,” the authors explain. “Similarly, when someone values us—like a friend offering support or a colleague seeking collaboration—it encourages us to strengthen that connection.”
However, these two forms of learning don’t always match. For example, someone might miss out on a friend’s wedding due to a small guest list or be picked last for a team but still feel valued. Conversely, being rejected for a job doesn’t mean the employer doesn’t recognize your worth. These scenarios can be disappointing but don’t always reflect how much others care.
Poor perception
“Our findings show that specific brain regions track how much others value us, even during negative outcomes,” the researchers note. This insight could help explain mental health challenges. For instance, people with social anxiety might struggle to see their value to others, while those with depression may find little motivation from social rewards, making it harder to connect with others.
To study these dynamics, researchers designed an economic game that mimicked social interactions. Participants, scanned in an MRI machine, created personal profiles describing themselves and played as “Responders” choosing between computer-generated “Deciders” who ranked them by desirability. Successful matches resulted in shared rewards, testing trust and reciprocity.
The game provided two types of feedback: whether a match occurred (rewarding outcome) and the Decider’s ranking of the participant (relational value). Brain scans revealed how participants processed these outcomes. For example, being selected but ranked low felt like being picked last for a team—you’re included but not highly valued. Rejection despite a high ranking was like a top job candidate not being hired due to limited positions.
Activating learning
Using computational models, the researchers found that participants were more likely to choose Deciders who gave them positive outcomes or high rankings in previous rounds. Neuroimaging showed distinct brain regions activated for different types of feedback. Social rejection activated areas linked to processing pain and self-perception, while acceptance engaged the ventral striatum, tied to reward learning from money, praise, or other positives.
“This raises questions about how individuals learn differently from the same feedback to build relationships,” the authors conclude. “Does the way someone processes rejection or acceptance affect their willingness to form new connections?”
By shedding light on these processes, the study provides new insights into how we build relationships and why some people struggle more than others to connect. Understanding these differences could lead to better support for those facing social challenges.
