Ghosting is when someone suddenly cuts off contact without explanation. Many see it as rude, disrespectful, or even unethical.

While ghosting isn’t new, the rise of online communication has made it more common. In dating, two-thirds of young adults admit to ghosting someone, while three-quarters have been ghosted themselves. It also happens in the job market, where over 90% of applicants report being ghosted by employers.

Changing the script

A new study from INSEAD explores whether ghosting is purely selfish or if ghosters care more than we think. People assume ghosters don’t care, but the research suggests otherwise.

Ghosting hurts, and some ghostees even seek professional help to recover. But ghosters don’t always act out of indifference. Sometimes, they ghost to avoid causing pain. Telling someone why you’re ending contact can feel harsher than saying nothing at all.

The researchers ran experiments to compare ghosting with other types of rejection. They found that ghosters often act out of a mix of self-interest (avoiding awkward conversations) and concern for the other person’s feelings. This is especially true when the real reason for ghosting is something painful—like believing the two people aren’t socially compatible.

Really do care

Ghostees tend to underestimate how much ghosters care. Being ghosted is upsetting, and it’s easy to assume the ghoster is cold or uncaring. But ghosters sometimes misjudge things too, thinking silence is kinder than honesty. In reality, ghostees often prefer clear rejection to being left wondering.

Ghosting also affects social networks. Ghostees may be less likely to reach out for help in the future, assuming the ghoster wouldn’t respond. But the study found that ghosters are actually more willing to help than ghostees expect—sometimes because they feel guilty about ghosting in the first place.

So, what can we learn? If you’re ghosted, try not to assume the worst. If you’re the ghoster, remember that a short message can bring closure and show respect. Frequent ghosting might also point to a deeper issue, like poor time management or weak delegation skills.

Ghosting has a bad reputation, but ghosters aren’t necessarily bad people. With more empathy on both sides, we might better understand each other’s actions—and keep more relationships intact.