If you focus on overcoming life’s obstacles rather than appreciating the good things that make life easier, you’re not alone.

A new study from the University of Michigan shows that people often overlook the advantages they have and instead focus on the challenges they’ve faced. However, they are much better at recognizing the help they get from others—such as friends, family, and mentors—in reaching their goals.

What we have

“There is a social norm that encourages people to acknowledge the help they receive from others,” the researchers explain.

The authors analyzed seven studies with more than 1,500 participants to see how people view certain advantages. In some studies, they looked at whether people felt obliged by social norms to recognize those who helped them. Another analysis focused on whether the recognition of advantages is influenced by these norms.

The studies found that not all advantages are seen the same way. People look favorably on those who help them succeed.

“The tendency to notice and acknowledge benefits from relationships is partly due to a social obligation to do so—a norm that does not apply to privileges from non-interpersonal circumstances,” the researchers say.

Showing gratitude

The findings also showed that environments with cooperative norms encourage people to express more gratitude to those who help them, while competitive environments make people talk more about the hardships they’ve endured.

Overall, people’s tendency to notice benefits from others suggests that organizations and businesses should “put a face on” the benefits they provide to earn public goodwill. For example, frequent flyers might appreciate an upgrade to business class more if it’s delivered by a flight attendant in person rather than by a text message.

If you’re struggling to feel gratitude in your daily life, these studies suggest that thinking about people who have helped you might be particularly helpful because those people easily come to mind.