Forgiveness helps people move on and fosters a healthier, more productive workplace, particularly when minor conflicts arise and collaboration is key. But a new study from UC Riverside suggests that men’s concerns about their masculinity can get in the way of forgiveness.

The study found that men who are anxious about appearing masculine are less likely to forgive a co-worker for small mistakes, like missing an important meeting. They see forgiveness as a feminine trait and feel that forgiving would make them appear less manly. Instead, these men are more likely to seek revenge or avoid the person who wronged them, which can create a toxic and less effective work environment. They also perceive other men who forgive as less masculine.

Simple improvements

However, the research showed that a simple intervention can help. When men who are sensitive about their masculinity were asked to recall two situations where they felt particularly masculine, they became more willing to forgive. These stories often involved things like winning a competition or displaying sexual prowess.

The researchers started with the understanding that men are generally less forgiving than women, who tend to be seen as warmer and more nurturing—traits that are stereotypically feminine. “We thought forgiveness might be seen as a feminine behavior,” they explain, “so men who are really focused on appearing masculine would be the least likely to forgive.”

The study involved over 800 participants, who were asked to rate how stressful they found situations that could challenge their manhood, such as their wife earning more money than they do, losing a sports game, or being seen crying by their child. The men then played out scenarios where a co-worker made a mistake, like missing a meeting with a client. The researchers found that men who were most concerned about their masculinity were the least likely to forgive.

“The more worried they were about appearing manly, the more they wanted to take revenge or avoid the person who made the mistake,” the researchers say. “Neither of those behaviors is helpful in the workplace.”

But recalling just two “manly” memories helped men become more forgiving. Interestingly, when participants were asked to come up with 10 such memories, they struggled, became frustrated, and were less forgiving than those who only had to think of two.

The researchers emphasize that forgiveness has many benefits. “It improves mental and physical health and strengthens relationships,” they conclude, “while revenge or avoidance only damages work dynamics.”