We’re living in an age where organizations are increasingly hoping to be collaborative and innovative, and are therefore encouraging employees to work together and share their knowledge with one another. Central to this is, of course, being able to ask for help when you’re struggling with something.
Except, asking for help is something many of us struggle with. After all, isn’t the request in itself an admission that you’re not capable of doing the job yourself? Is it therefore a negative reflection on your abilities?
Why we struggle to ask for help
A recent study conducted by researchers at Duke’s Fuqua School of Business, discovered that the symptom mentioned above is particularly strong among male employees, and with good reason, as the study found that male leaders are regarded as less able when they reached out to others for assistance.
“Frequently, in the context of leadership, we think of males as being advantaged because they represent the prototypical leader,” the authors say. “But what are the conditions under which this may not be the case, and male leaders are disadvantaged? That is focus of this work.”
The paper, which was published in the Leadership Quarterly journal, saw participants undertake a number of leadership building activities, including things like hiking, biking and sailing in a range of challenging environments. Each participant was asked to lead a group during the exercise at some point, and surveys were used to understand how the group regarded the competence of each leader. The survey was also designed to dig into how frequently the leader asked for help from their team.
A second element of the research consisted of an experimental study. This time, participants were asked to picture themselves as an employee at a fictional company. They were instructed to evaluate the performance of the CEO of that company based upon a simple description of a meeting held at the company. The CEO used for the study was evenly described as being either male or female, whilst there was also an alteration in their willingness to ask for help.
Do we expect male leaders to know it all?
The results were very consistent across both the experimental study and the field data. In both, it emerged that when the male leaders asked for help from their team, they were subsequently rated as less competent than their peers who survived without asking for assistance. For women, whether they asked for help had no bearing on their subsequent ratings as a boss.
The authors suggest that the findings may have consequences for the careers of male leaders.
“When a person is perceived as though they are not competent because they are asking for help, that could probably have some long-term career implications with regard to promotions, appointments and evaluations,” the paper says. “Most importantly, these perceptions may serve as barriers to men’s willingness to ask for assistance when needed. Regardless of whether we acknowledge it or not, these various biases creep into our decision-making processes. Perceptions matter.”
How asking for help can help you
Of course, it isn’t all bad news. A 2010 study found that there are various ways that you can suck up your way to the top of your organization, with one of the best ways of doing this being to ask for advice from the person you wish to flatter. Now you might say that if you’re in a leadership role then you don’t need to flatter anyone above you, in which case a second study may be of interest.
It found that the more often we offer to give help to those around us, the easier it then becomes to ask for (and accept) help ourselves. Maybe the key for male leaders is therefore to be more forthcoming with help and advice themselves.
I wonder if it's not men in general that struggle to ask for help rather than leaders in particular?
I suspect that's very true in my case.
It's kind of sad that it has to be that way, but I'm not at all surprised by this. I can imagine it being common among men in general but even more in leaders because there's this perception that they have to have all of the answers. Ignorance = weakness (sadly)
It's a shame there's such stigma attached to asking for help, but it was really surprising to learn (even if just from a single study) that it only had a negative effect on men. I think you're right: let's drop the egos and realize that we all need help from time to time, and it shouldn't make us think less of those who do the asking.
In some cases this can be attributed to the male personality being more rational and straightforward, and it is difficult to see the good in your professional offices and without the help of other co-workers.
This was a phenomenal article to read. No wonder I can never get support from people. Here I thought that they wanted to be included… never again!
I received this bit of brilliant advice: If you don't ask for help, then success is from skill or luck and failure is from idiocy. If you ask for help from an expert, then greater success is due to leadership and less-disastrous failure is not (entirely) your fault.
Perhaps the answer lies in how a leader asks for that help. When he or she includes others, and makes them realize that *their* assistance is critical to a successful outcome, it will be perceived entirely differently than a leader finding him or herself far out on a limb with no alternative but to seek help from others as a last resort. It's a matter of leveraging the talents of everyone on the team, isn't it?
I think it is perhaps down to 'how one asks for help' though if a team is working in the right way help should come in advance.
There are topics on which you should ask for help, and others on which you shouldn't. Rushing for help at every turn is no better than trying to be a one-man band. If you need to change security settings on a VPS, and you are not an expert system administrator, by all means ask one for help. No one will think any less of you for it.
If you are driving around an American city, on the other hand, there is no excuse to ask for directions. If you have a navigation system, you should know how to use it; if you don't have one, you should have a map and know how to read it.
If you don't know the basics of the tools everybody in your organization uses to make calculations, plan projects, set up meetings, or write documents, learn them. If you ask peers for help, they will tell you "RTFM" ("Read The Manual"). If you ask subordinates for help they will think you are inept and will be upset that you think mastering these tools is beneath you.
The key is absolutely in how the leader asks for help, as others have said already. Asking for help is inclusive provided it's done in the correct context. If the leader in question typically fortifies themselves in positional strength with their team, then asking for help can be problematic. The key for all leaders (not just male leaders) is to be forthcoming with help and advice.